“Do you have any idea what you’re doing?!” echoes a voice in my head with regularity these days. Its tone is parental, unbelieving, and incredulous. It is designed to stop me in my tracks; to make me hang my head in shameful acknowledgement that no, in fact I have no idea what I’m doing; and then to have me recant of my dreams and return to the safety and security of, “the real world.”
I have been answering to this voice most of my life. Even when I have gone ahead and followed my dreams, it has followed along, standing in the background, frowning, tsking, and waiting for me to come to my senses. I am frankly tired of listening to it.
Engaging this voice is usually an exercise in futility because it demands to be engaged on its own terms. I end up trying to justify my dreams using the same language and paradigm of the voice. But lately, during my long walks, I have been finding the spaciousness and freedom from which I have been able to see more clearly the authentic nudging of my own heart.
I certainly don’t know what the future will hold. I certainly don’t know what exact forms our housing will take in the coming year. I don’t know how our gifts and crafts will be exchanged for supportive income. I don’t know what my health, or Nancy’s, will be in the coming years. I don’t know how a changing climate and disintegrating society will influence our path. So, as far as forms and securities are concerned, no, I don’t know much, if anything. I’m learning as I go along.
But there are things I do know. I know what it feels like to love and be loved by another human being. I know by direct experience the fundamental nurture of Mother Earth and the unity of all Life. I know that both Nancy and I are committed to finding an, “appropriate way of living a human experience within the context of the natural world.” I know that the culture in which I live does not support this way of living. I know that a radical and comprehensive revolution is necessary for humans to survive. I know that I must make my own contribution to this revolution. I know that the time is short – mine and the culture’s – and that therefore my own contribution must be made with my whole heart, spirit, and life. These things I know, and it is from this knowing that I will guide my life.